Repose

I had a big cry a week ago, I just sobbed and sobbed because I was so resentful and bitter and hating myself for being this way.  J brought me back to earth, reminded me of what we're doing, where we're going, and why we're still at this.

And then I found peace.  I realized that I'm not spending enough time in the NOW, that I keep looking at what I don't have instead of what I do have.  I know we will have kids, but I just had to work through this.  I'm finally truly happy for all my friends who do have babies or are pregnant, not just full of bitter seething resentful jealousy.  I am finally enjoying my days with my wife, taking full advantage with the (hopeful) thought that this will be our last solo summer ever.

We had our Provincial health mandated counselling appointment (to use a fertility clinic, you have to see a counsellor as part of the screening process.  It's great, they should make any potential parents do it!!).  DW has another pelvic exam type thing, we have our donor insemination appointment on my birthday, and then we get to order sperm!  The plan is to order it in time for August, although we may not even BE here, in which case we'll insem in September.  DW is planning to go back to school in September, so we'll have a lot to work through.

In the meantime, I'm going to thoroughly enjoy my "champagne birthday" (I turn 28 on the 28th next week!), spend time with my lovely wife and do lots of yoga.

Tonight I'm heading up to camp for a night, as it's our Guide retreat (Girl Guides, it's all the adults, our end of year hooray/dinner/extravaganza), so it will be fantastic on all accounts!