Sunday, April 14, 2013

Dreams and School

Ever since I have known J, she has always struggled to find what she wants to DO.  She is not content to just do something just to earn money, she wants to find a job, a career, that provides meaning as well as an income.  This is fairly typical of our age group, we are not our parents, who have often been locked into jobs they hate just to pay the mortgage/etc.  My wife is so incredible, she is organized, charismatic, charming, resourceful, patient and non-intrusive.  She excels at getting people organized and on task.  It has been very difficult and heart wrenching watching her struggle to find a career path.  Originally it was going to be a stay-at-home mom while our kids were little, but that fell through when we couldn't get pregnant.

She was accepted into a very competitive and exclusive program at a local post-secondary institution, I knew in my heart that she would get in, and I'm so proud of her.  While it's not EXACTLY what she wants to do, it's a very important stepping stone to get her where she wants to go.  

And while this delays our baby plans at least another 2 years, I'm weirdly OK with that (maybe it's all the counselling?).  I will be 31 when J finishes her program (WEIRD), she will be 35 (EVEN WEIRDER).  We will have been married for 5 years, together for 11 (SUPER DUPER WEIRD).  It gives us (me) a big opportunity to finish our condo and clear physical and financial space for our kids.  I am excited for my wife and this opportunity, and I am excited for what's to come.

In the meantime, we have life to live!!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Being True

I read a lot of blogs, I read a lot of family blogs, organizational blogs, parenting blogs, etc etc etc, and one theme that breeds through all of them is this nausea inducing white washed effect where everything seems sunny and cheerful *all* the time, that challenges are met and passed with skill and grace.


I believe this does us a disservice.  It makes me look at my own marriage and go "wtf is wrong with us?", since there are moments when we want to strangle the other person, moments where I have to sit on my hands (and feelings) and just keep my mouth shut.

I suppose you could argue that putting REAL LIFE PROBLEMS on the internet is "airing the dirty laundry", that no one wants to read about the ugly belly of cohabitating with someone (and often the small humans who come into their lives through choice).

Perhaps that's why blogs like The Bloggess are so popular, because she lets her crazy out where everyone can see it.

Surprise, marriage is hard, and sometimes it sucks and you want to run away, but the rest of the time it's awesome.  Like when I have to hit J in her sleep because she's rolled onto her back and is obstructing her airway in her sleep because she's so allergic to life right now.

Being with someone over the long haul means you have to work together to GROW together.  You have to re-learn habits, ways of talking to people, ways of living in another person's space.

Is it worth it though?  Absolutely.  When I get super cranky and miserable and we're fighting and I contemplate the "what ifs", it's never as interesting as staying and working through our shit.  And so, we will make it to our 3rd wedding anniversary next year.  Yahtzee!