Thursday, May 29, 2014

Long Neglected

The absence of writing does not mean anything, it means that I still have nothing to say.  Pouring my soul out to an online presence (one I had hoped to keep off Facebook, but has somehow made it's way onto my newsfeed) is not something I am keen to do...

Update since the last:

-On March 28th, our 7 year anniversary, we had our beloved Mustang put to sleep, quietly in our laps on our couch.  Our vet and one of the vet nurses (whom we adore) came to our house and did it.  They gave him a sedative injection in his scruff, and then when he was quiet and calm started an IV and gave him a fatal dose of anaesthetic.  He died without ever knowing fear or further suffering.  We laid his body in our hallway for Tasi to smell and see, so that she would understand.  We believe she did, she only cried for him for a night.  We then let her sleep in our room on our bed for the next month, until her wake-up times started to get earlier by 15 minutes every morning (my personal cut-off was 5:30 on a day off...).  She has adapted to single-cat life remarkably well, better than we could have thought.  She enjoys the extra attention, but we worry that she is lonely....

-J has successfully completed her first year of her program (of 2).  She is hoping to do some work this summer (as am I!), so we will see how this all pans out over the next week or so.  It's so nice to have her around more and not constantly distracted by homework and projects, I have her all to myself when I'm home!  We have a big project list for the summer, since when we're going full-tilt through the year there is no time to do the big house projects.

That's all for now...

Monday, February 3, 2014

Still Here

Nothing to say.  J is in full time school, it is INTENSE, but she is really enjoying it (and I am enjoying seeing her happy like this!).  I do everything else.  It is also intense, since full time work, with running the house, making sure we are fed and watered, bills are paid, etc etc etc, is at times overwhelming, when all I want to do is sit down and read Harry Potter.  I know this imbalance is temporary, and it's not like J is resting on her laurels either.  She is in school M-F, from 8:30-3:30 (ish, depends on the day), and then comes home and does another 3-4 hours of homework.  However, she's so organized and on top of things that her weekends remain relatively free, with only 3-4 hours of homework through the weekend.  I am intensely proud of her.

My stupid baby hormones have not stopped screaming at me, it does not help with two of my amazing, beautiful besties popping out babies (one is out already, and he is simply stunning and super sweet, the other is still gestating but not for much longer).  We have plans after J is done school to do all this other stuff, but I don't think I will be able to wait one.more.damn.second.  Negotiations planned for next December.

Life is still plucking away.  Our big tom cat, Mustang, was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis last week.  He is 17, has endured far too many medical tests lately, and we have decided to make him palliative, to treat for symptoms and make him comfortable.  I have not shared with hardly anyone, because people say terrible things like "why let him suffer, just put him down, he's just a cat".  People said terrible things like that to me when I was primarying at work too, and this is just as jarring.  He is MY cat, it is OUR choice.  He is comfortable, well medicated, with adequate pain control.  He still eats (although not a lot), he cuddles, he grooms himself.  He is not suffering.  We may have weeks to another year with him.  We watch him closely for signs that his body is shutting down, that his life is filled with nothing but pain and suffering, and then we will take him in and let him pass peacefully and quietly.  We are not interested in sustaining his life, he is old, and he is a CAT, he does not understand, and the quality of his life is more important than quantity. My recent experiences with palliative care prepared me well for these difficult conversations we've had, I advocated for Mustang the way I advocate for my babies; is this test in his best interest?  Will it change the course of treatment?  What is the value in this?  How do we best manage his symptoms?  What will happen if he dies at home?  What will happen if we decide that he is suffering too greatly?

So, we are embroiled in sadness in our house.  J has had Mustang since he was just a kitten.  We are also worried what will happen to our other cat, who does not tolerate his absence EVEN FROM THE NEXT CHAIR OVER.  Part of me hopes he dies at home so that she will see and perhaps understand, but realistically I know this will not be the case, not with pancreatitis.

Life continues though, I am planning our patio garden and slowly working through deep cleaning the house, which is always in preparation for a tiny human.