Friday, July 24, 2015

The Fertility Clinic

So, I've got a whole month of cycle charting now.  I have a nice clear temp rise after ovulation.  It was pretty hard getting near ovulation, then ovulating, and not doing a damn thing about it.  It was a weird feeling, for sure.  My temp dropped as expected.  So, things all seem good!!  Really good!!  It even worked when I was Shift Working, I would just take it after I had slept for 3 hours.  Taking Charge of Your Fertility says that BBTs can either be very sensitive to waking up, or not sensitive at all.  I seem to be more on the not-super-sensitive, which is good, because turns out I wake up A LOT in the 3-4am range, which I had never noticed until now (because my first thought on waking is "must take temp.  Wait, what time is it?  Oh, it's too early.  Back to sleep for you!").

The fertility clinic called me to book an appointment, so it's for the middle of October.  It seems far off, but I know my personal life calendar until then, so it's going to come up fast.

I'm kinda wrestling with the known donor vs anonymous donor again.  In BC, J and I are fully protected should we use a known donor.  I don't have anyone on my radar that I would want to ask...  I had to actually explain the point of using a known donor to someone the other day, which is what prompted this thought about KD vs AD.  I'm not worried about the legal protection here, nor am I worried about the impacts on our future kiddos... it comes down to money and logistics.  The last time I had the donor discussion with our KD, it was easy.  We had kinda batted it around for a few years.  He knows himself well.  He knew his limits, and we were happy to include him in our family.

So now I have a pile of bloodwork to have drawn tomorrow, which is awesome and I'm excited to be poked for results.  I'm not generally enthused about being poked, but it's fine and I like having the values.

So things are moving along.  This time feels easier.  It also feels less overwhelming and all consuming (probably also because I'm trying not to let it take over my life!).

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

I actually have something to say

I am brushing off the cobwebs of this corner.

J graduated (with distinction and two awards) at the end of May, I am so overwhelmingly proud of her.  Finally, I thought, finally we can start to move forward.

Turns out it takes a bit of time for wheels to start churning forward again.

I am awaiting a phone call from the fertility clinic regarding our intake appointment.  In the meantime I wake up at 5am everyday (since that's what time I have to wake up for work) to check my basal body temperature (it spikes after you ovulate).  I check other fertility signs, and when I get close to ovulation I check with an ovulation predictor kit, which is looking for the spike in lutenizing hormone indicating impending ovulation.

I re-read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility", and proceeded to have several days of intense marvel at my body and what it does (if you haven't read this book and have any intimate interaction with a body that ovulates and bleeds on a regular basis, I suggest that you read it!!!  It's *amazing*.)

I started taking a prenatal vitamin.  That was a *big* thing.  It felt like starting to take it was the starting line.

I started wondering deeply about what else I might do to prepare my body and mind for this adventure.  I started working on some of that.

Things are moving, slowly.  I am remembering to breathe, to exist in the moment and not get too caught up in the future.

I am of course worried about money and time and space, but I remind myself that we are ENOUGH for these small people we will usher into this world.  We have enough time and love and ability to parent, that children do not need a million toys and iPads and tremendous amounts of technology.  They do not need "things".  They require presence and attention and meaningful connection.  This I can give them.  I am enough.