Sunday, May 29, 2011

Annd go!

So there have been a million things happening, which inevitably means there is rarely time left over to update the blog.

In fact, there remains so little time that I'm actually taking time away from doing other things to write this one quick update post.

I'm running a camp this upcoming weekend for Girl Guides, hosting 135 girls aged 5-18 and another 50 adults (plus 4 kids under the age of 5). It's going to be awesome, since I do this every year, but this year is my last, since next year I will be cuddling our baby, refusing to leave my rather pregnant wife, or struggling through trying to get pregnant. The camp is held a couple hours outside of Vancouver, but we have to take a ferry to get there, thus my extreme hesitation to go anywhere that makes it difficult or impossible to get home if she needed me.

That all being said, we got our shit together and got going this month. Paperwork is all but done, but we figured it would take a bit to get our stride going with the inseminations, and since we're possibly missing both June and July, it's kind of now or not until August.

There will be no peeing on pregnancy sticks until everything is completely done that's for sure.

There is something that no one really warned me about (except my wife, but I didn't realize believe her). Spunk smells disgusting. This is really my first exposure to it, so I nearly gagged when I opened the jar. That's saying a lot considering I'm a NURSE and have done things and been exposed to body fluids in states that would churn your stomach. Turns out the one thing that grosses me out more than sputum is semen.

So, we've done 2 now, one on Wednesday (where J was positive she was ovulating, even though it was a week early, turns out she wasn't, but whatever), and then last night. She's actually ovulating RIGHT NOW, so there is still viable sperm in her uterus (hopefully?), and there will be more tomorrow.

I have to say though, it's so... awkward? Weird? Uncomfortable? This is *not* for the faint of heart, and I could see a lot of couples choosing to go the clinic/frozen sperm route or adoption route after doing it this way. I'm really hoping it'll get better, since it appears I'm having trouble wrapping my head around actually DOING IT after talking about it for years.

Anyways, I will have more time for deep thinking after my camp. And after my set at work is done Tuesday morning.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mommy's Day

I still refer to my mom as "mommy" on occasion, mostly when I'm being cute, or grateful for something and feeling shy about expressing it.

In any case, happy self-identified as female parenting role model day! Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mummy, Momsies, Mother, Ina, whatever you call yourself, have a lovely day and may you be blessed every day!!

I asked my mom once why there wasn't a "kids day".

She said every day was Kids Day.

Really, you can't argue with that.

Hopefully next year we'll be celebrating Mothers Day with either a newborn or a fetus friend!

In the meantime, here's a picture of my beautiful mother and I on my wedding day!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Not alone.

I am deeply grateful that J and I are not going at this alone. We have incredible support from families, friends and co-workers. Strangers are supportive (Vancouver is a bubble, because friends who live outside of Vancouver don't find this). I find it difficult to put into words the feeling of finding other TTC or full out mommy bloggers of every shape and colour and circumstance, who look like me and feel the same way I do. There are moms who conceived easily, those who went through IVF, those with babies in the NICU, and those grappling with loss. Even those with self-identified genderqueer families, it all makes my heart itch with joy.

It's nice to know when griping about the whole Queer TTC situation, that I don't have to constantly explain myself (mostly because when I do explain it, I haven't figured out how to do it without having to reveal so much information, and some of it feels intensely personal and makes me feel very vulnerable, especially since I'm a Cancer and like to hide in my shell). Or feel worried that it will make me sound ungrateful.

I think I often give off the assumption that I think having kids is a time sucking, stressful thing, but mostly because if I speak of the joy of it, I might lose it. I glimpse it when I peer at my babies at work, or when I have one of them out with me for a cuddle. Even hospital babies smell good (a mix of baby, hospital and the disposable diapers we use).

It's spring here, which means a rebirth and new growth. We have a lawyer's appointment sometime this week, hopefully.

Am still reading my book, which will eventually tell me wtf I'm supposed to do with the sperm once T gives it to me... I have an idea, but I don't want to kill it all with my Gay. My Gay is very powerful.

One of J's families in her Girl Guide district have 2 moms and used a known donor. But they didn't do it in Canada, so the laws apply differently. Still, we want to talk to them. This whole pre-TTC timeline seems totally whack. But we'll have until August to sort everyone out, so I'm not worried.