Sunday, October 24, 2010

Never a "perfect" time.

Something J and I have been wrestling with is when is a good time to start trying to have a baby. At 29 and 26 respectively, we are constantly told "there's no rush". Is there? I think there is.

For the first thing, my parents are in their early 60's. My mother has just booked her retirement date. It's something I *hate* thinking about, but my parents are getting older. I want them to have an opportunity to know and play with their grandchildren, to be actively involved in their lives in a way I never had with my own grandparents.

The second thing, we have *no* idea how long it may take us. Since we are hoping to use fresh-never-frozen sperm, the process of getting pregnant should go more quickly. After age 30, a woman's ease of conceiving begins to dimish. I'm not ready to play with that fire. If all goes well, I will be a parent before I am 30, which has been my goal since the tender age of 16.

The third thing, I've been waiting to become a parent since I was 16. The day I turned 24 was the day it was perfectly acceptable to begin having children (at least in my mind). 23 and below was too young. I don't *WANT* to wait until I'm 30. I've worked my tush off to get my life to a point where I can have kids and afford them.

We have the luxury of no accidental pregnancies (which is an absolute blessing until you want to get pregnant), so this means that we can get our shit together before our kid comes. Right?

Wrong. We'd never have them because we'd always be working towards getting our shit together. Don't have the right job, enough money in the bank, the right house, the right stuff, enough time, etc. Things will never be perfect.

Both of our parents had us later in their life. My mom was 37 when I was born. I *cannot* imagine waiting another 11 years to have my first child, it actually makes me nauseated to think about it. J's mom was also 37.

So, we start looking at when is an acceptable time, a work-able time. When is it financial feasible for us to have a child and not go bankrupt at the cost of pre-school. We're at this point now. J is re-examining her academic priorities and weighing them heavily against the consequences of waiting to have a baby. I will delay my master's until our kids are older and J has finished her undergrad.

In short, different families have different priorities. Some families never have the choice, as many dear friends have had happen. They make it work.

We're done waiting. We're ready *now*. It's time to start putting one foot in front of the other. We're ready to be up all night, deal with puke (although that will be my job), sick kids, sibling rivalry, and the ups and downs that come with being a parent.

1 comment:

  1. Awww what an exciting realization (I'm hooked on your blog btw, I've been reading it since you left a comment on my blog!)

    I completely understand your "I don't *WANT* to wait until I'm 30" sentiment. I've always wanted to have all my children before I turned 30 but always feel the pressure and get comments from mainstream society, that "I'm so young" "What's the rush?" "Don't worry, you have lots of time"

    Just because the majority of people are starting families in their late 30s and 40s doesn't mean *I* have to follow their lead or that there is something wrong with me because I want to have kids early...

    Sorry, rant over. You struck a chord! :)